Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of Purina dog chow at Walmart, for
my
dogs. I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a
dog. What did she think, that I had an elephant? Since I had little else
to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was
starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I
ended up in the hospital last time.
On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs
in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that
the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina
nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the
food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my
story by now.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food
had poisoned me. I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of the
parking lot to lick my ass and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was
laughing so hard! WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.
Later Bill
Fiction and Fact's from Ronnoze's Almanac
